Monday, June 16, 2008

Self evaluating?


Self evaluaton?

Somebody once told me…I trust people too easily…and always end up disappointed and miserable …..that’s one of my weak points…I am seen to have many many weak points….unable or hard to take the blame …always having negative thoughts….unable to make decisions…..cold….spendthrift….impatient…..careless…..emotional… and many more....at the moment…..I am a nobody and will always be a nobody …because of my weakness and my negative traits….I have always been betrayed , taken advantage upon, turned down, and maybe ignored altogether….

However, even though how lowly negative I can be, surely there are some bright sides of me that people failed to see or do not seem to even care to take note…
If other people cannot see the positive flow in me…at least I am dignified and have pride to know I have these qualities that maybe balance my dark sides..
When I give love, I give it with all my heart…only those I love and have loved will know and verify that
When I give help., I go all out to help... that I can verify from testimonies from my friends..
I am a good listener…. Friends always confide in me and I am a confidante to many of my friends…ever since schooldays..
Male or female alike….and I give advice and motivation especially to my two beloved sons….they both treat me as their best friend to whom they can talk about almost everything….
I love animals……and I talk to my cats …they understand and their responses always calm my senses especially when I am feeling down…
I am a nature lover…I like to draw…potraits.. sketches…and one of my unfulfilled dream is to set up my own art gallery.
I treat my friends as tangible treasures….even though they may stray away from me..I am always there and vigilant to ‘prodigals’
I can forgive and forget easily….oh yes I trust people easily , maybe because I think everybody is like me….trustworthy…

Of course, the most I appreciate about myself is I am healthy and fit even though I have reached the golden age of 50. I do not feel my age at all, I have a zest for life..and to keep a fitness routine is important to me….

By listing all my good values ( correct me if I am wrong) , I feel a lot better now even though people tagged me with all the negative labels.

In retrospect : wriiten : 16 June 2008.(2200 hrs )

3 comments:

Kulupbana said...

Hi Sade,
I'm been so tight lately, managed to get back to u finally but the link blogs list are not clear as the back ground is so deep colourful! Or m i too old to c things through nowadays. He he.

Sade, let say if u r back to Limbang pls update us with local stories; they can be ur work routines, ur family affairs, folks, food etc. Looking forward for matters that can reflect our professional views on surroundings.More pictures please...

Bye, don't rush for your rebate. Masih ada banyak masa.

Kulupbana said...

Hi Sade,
I believe that u r already back to ur home town. Time flies and yet meeting up was never to materialise.

As heart unforgettable, cyber affair can still bridge us together. Sweet memories don't fade; at least not so soon.

Happy working.

sade58 said...

hi sifu, im back not in my hometown kuching but back in Limbang where i work. the first remark i received from hby as i stepped down at airport was' kurus benar! tak cukup makan ka?'
the next morning, arriving at office everybody chorused the same lines to me....that evening at my aerobics class, my friends exclaimed" wah, seems that u lost weight faster in kl...maintain yr aerobics there kah...? Waaah sifu, someone even said i look so skinny i look so different.....oh dear..now i am frantically getting back to real eating...no skipping meals...even having supper now. Masa di Kl, i memang diet, makan nasi once, lunch , n malam makan bread or skipped lunch n malam baru makan nasi. in just 2 months.... i really lost weight..memang i realise..dulu pakai jeans takyah pakai belt, now kena pakai belt ,tightly lak tu...so now with my vigorous eating, i hope to regain my own weight soon hehhehhe...hope to meet u again in dec or feb...we will be back , this time 3 weeks of web journalism....keep tracking my other coursemates...ive put their urls on my link....

TIME

There are times

when reminiscences of yesteryears

will drown me in tears

of misdeeds...cliche's. ..charades...n camouflage

of wasted days...grievances

and of sheer bliss...pure rapture!...euphoria. ..reality denied

an everlasting 'heaven on earth’

but time, unfeeling time

disclaim reversion of those paces

Alas!!...I have to go on

yet to efface the memoirs of yesterday

is beyond my will

I can only veil souvenies of eternal memories

embedded in my heart

and relish those deja' vu

Its time again...for me to portray perspectives

in myriads of colours

For Life's own...isnt just a single ray of hue

TIME...they say

heals all wounds...Time...d best therapy

for ailments of emotions

Time again..is the antidote...for all woes

Thus, im giving in to TIME

letting time takes its pace

learning now not to dwell on bygones

of joys we've reached...& of joys that never really were!

just a make believe...of castles & gardens u made me see

....a mirage!!! ...an illusion

I was stung...down..slain

but now im up on my feet and walking again

starting anew....given a new strength

to prod on...taking life as it comes

'cos things did & do happen for reasons

with blessings in disguise thereafter

as depicted & wirtten in our life lines

Life...without this prism of colours

isnt a life to start with

and TIME...its reigning factor

TIME...and only time

withholds the answers

to questions unanswered...Que Sera Sera!!

in retrospect : composed: 31 January 2008

( in memory of sumthin' worth remembering )